The Birdman: Fashionably Late to the US Open, Teeing Off with Style!

Welcome, dear golf enthusiasts, to The Birdie Banter, the unapologetically late and mildly amusing newsletter that swings wildly between the fairways of satire and the roughs of ridiculousness, all in the name of poking fun at the baffling world of golf.

Here's what we are punching out of this week:

• Tee Time - US Open & PGA Travelers Championship

• Putting Predictions - Rocket Mortgage Classic

• Meme of the week

Tee Time

US OPEN

Hollywood Hijinks: L.A.C.C.'s Unconventional Golf Drama Unfolds

In a shocking turn of events, the Los Angeles Country Club's North Course was awarded the 2023 U.S. Open back in 2014, even before the first season began. But wait, there's more! The United States Golf Association, embracing their flair for the dramatic, granted L.A.C.C. the 2039 U.S. Open and the 2032 U.S. Women's Open. They're already planning the next season, it seems!

The debut U.S. Open at L.A.C.C. received mixed reviews, giving the club and the USGA a whopping 16 years to refine what worked and polish what didn't. It's like they're crafting the most meticulously scripted golfing experience, as if they were producing a binge-worthy TV series.

L.A.C.C.'s North Course offered an alt-U.S. Open experience with inventive bunkering, unconventional greens, and a backdrop of chic Beverly Hills. But it wasn't all smooth sailing. The course fell short of expectations, surrendering record-breaking rounds and allowing players to swing with abandon on the wide fairways.

As the drama continues, one thing's for certain: L.A.C.C. and its wild golfing adventure will leave fans with high expectations for the next season.

Travelers Championship

Cromwell, CT - Prepare to be astounded by Keegan Bradley's superhuman golf skills as he emerges victorious in the 2023 Travelers Championship with a mind-boggling score of 23-under par. It's his sixth triumph on the PGA tour, leaving lesser mortals green with envy. Oh, and did we mention it's his second win this season? Talk about adding insult to injury for his fellow golfers.

Hold on tight because Bradley's triumph has skyrocketed him to the esteemed fifth place in the FedEx Cup Points standings. As a token of the golfing gods' favor, he's also rewarded with a jaw-dropping payday of $3.6 million. Yes, you read that right. Swinging a club and tapping a tiny ball into a hole has become the ultimate gold mine. Where can we sign up for this sorcery?

Speaking of sorcery, Bradley's trusty Odyssey Versa Jailbird putter acted as his enchanted wand, defying all odds. Despite missing the cut just last week, his putting skills were pure wizardry. It felt as if his putter possessed actual magical powers, bewitching the golf ball into the hole with each stroke. He came tantalizingly close to breaking a PGA Tour record-low 72-hole score. Move over, Harry Potter; Bradley's the true master of the magical arts.

Now, don't assume victory came easily for Bradley. History has a wicked sense of humor, haunting him with past failures. Whenever he found himself leading or co-leading after 54 holes, he managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, settling for second place. But this time, against all odds, he emerged triumphant. Despite the lurking presence of Patrick Cantlay and the relentless pursuit of Scottie Scheffler and Rory McIlroy, Bradley prevailed. It's the ultimate underdog tale, folks.

Putting Predictions

Rocket Mortgage Classic

And just like that, the Rocket Mortgage Classic is zooming past us at the speed of a half-hearted Barry Sanders sprint. It's hard to believe that this PGA TOUR event is already celebrating its fifth edition in Detroit, the land where the legendary Barry Sanders graced us with his presence during his illustrious 10-year career with the Lions.

Although Sanders may have retired earlier than expected, his impact on the NFL and the sport as a whole is still felt by fans of a certain age. It's like trying to wrap our minds around the fact that his career flew by faster than the Rocket Mortgage Classic itself.

Most professional golfers would kill for a career half as illustrious as Sanders'. But now, we have the pleasure of witnessing a golfer etch their name into the annals of history at the Detroit Golf Club this week. Will this victory define their career? Who knows! But we're about to find out as the drama unfolds on the greens.

But hold on, folks! Before you get too excited, let's talk about the test that awaits these golfers. Brace yourself for a statistical anomaly that occurred during Tony Finau's five-shot romp here last year. It's the kind of mind-boggling twist that will leave you scratching your head and wondering if you accidentally stumbled into a parallel golfing universe. Get ready for some jaw-dropping moments, unexpected turns, and perhaps a sprinkle of golfing magic. Stay tuned for all the fascinating details as the Rocket Mortgage Classic rockets towards its grand finale.

Power Rankings

Introducing the tournament debutant who stunned the golfing world with a T9 finish at TPC River Highlands. Armed with vintage irons from 2021-22, they led the field in proximity from the fairway and par-3 scoring, while securing a remarkable second place in SG: Approach-the-Green. Brace yourselves for a rising star rewriting the golfing rulebook.

Don't expect a repeat of last year's brilliance, but the circumstances and timing seem oddly familiar to his victorious stint in Mexico. Sure, it's his only top 20 finish in the past eight starts, but hey, he's still a prime target. It's like chasing a shooting star with a questionable track record, but hey, who needs consistency when you have hope, right?

In the ever-entertaining world of golf tournaments, we're always treated to some special storylines. But hold onto your visors, folks, because the last three tournaments have been absolute headline gold. Well, unless... There's a player in a groove, desperately seeking that elusive victory after a four-year drought. And guess what? He's practically set up camp at Detroit GC, with his claim to fame being a personal-best T12 finish in 2020. Talk about living on the edge of glory!

Birdman’s Pick

In a whirlwind of youthful enthusiasm, he celebrated his 21st birthday just last week, marking a milestone in his journey towards golfing greatness. Since his victorious outing in South Korea back in mid-May, he hasn't quite managed to replicate that same electrifying performance on American soil. However, his recent appearance at TPC River Highlands showed glimmers of promise as he carded an impressive tally of four sub-70 rounds, securing a respectable T29 finish. It's like witnessing the birth of a star, slowly flickering and finding its rhythm amidst the vast expanse of the golfing universe.

But hold on to your party hats, ladies and gentlemen, because our budding young talent has a history of leaving his mark at Detroit GC. With a flawless record of 3-for-3 at this captivating course, his most notable achievement was a stellar T8 finish during his last visit in 2021. It's as if he has found his own personal playground to showcase his skills and charm the audience with his youthful exuberance. Will he rise to the occasion once again, dazzling us all with a birthday-inspired performance? Or will he find himself tangled in the hazards of high expectations and post-celebratory blues? Let's gather 'round and witness the unfolding chapters of this captivating tale, as youth and ambition collide on the greens of Detroit GC.

Meme of the Week

And so, fellow fairway fanatics, as our golf escapades come to a close, let's take a moment to channel our inner Birdman, flap our wings, and soar into the sunset. Remember, keep your head down, swing easy, and don't forget to replace your divots.

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The Birdman